I got the idea from here:
Overheard in New York

Just give a description of weird things you've heard in your town.

Teenage Boy 1: ...So then she goes ' I just lost my virginity in a confessional booth!'
Teenage Boy 2: *laughs half-heartedly*

Music Store

That reminds of that scene in Detroit Rock City.

Old lady: Hi, there… bunny. Yesterday I… woke up… Sucking a …lemon
Oh, damn! I suck at this I can't hear very well. I wish she'd said that, though.

Hmm.. I (obviously) haven't overheard anything, but I once said "Walla nigga", in a store It was an accident. I was walking around with my friend, and I was trying to talk 'Simlish', and then I accidently said something like that. I was lucky that there weren't any black people near me.

I've heard some pretty funny things on cell phones.
I don't think I should repeat some of those things.

Girl on campus, on a mobile phone:
I don't know, if I screw him, he's just gonna fall asleep again!

Eh? ..

I just heard this today:

Old lady, after meeting her daughter's male friend:
How do you *REALLY* know him? Did he go inside you?

Daughter:
MOM!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?

hah me too!


bahahahaa

Kinky

I heard this on the bus yesterday

Teenage girl 1: I hate her! She just steals my boyfriend and still wants to be my friend.
Teenage girl 2: What? What are we gonna do? Throw meatballs?!

Girl 1: How many balls do you usually have?
Girl 2: Two is usually normal.

Someone: Ok... so maybe you're not completely clear when you're totally wasted.

^ lololol gold

Okay, I didn't exactly overhear this, but I guess it kinda belongs here because it all started with my psychology teacher overhearing me.
She asked my classmate Rok a question but she didn't know his name, so she asked him what his name is.
Rok: Uh, I'm Rok.
Me (to my neighbour): Rocky!
The teacher: Oh, you call him Rocky? Should I call you Rocky then?
My classmate: Yeah, Rocky Balboa.

The thing that makes it funny is that we always make fun of him because he does a lot of sports and he's pretty muscular so we have all kinds of silly nicknames for him like Baby Rambo and Chuck Norris's sperm and Rokzilla.
So yeah. I'm not completely sure why I am posting this, it just was really funny at the time.

This is something that my brother overheard...then i overheard him telling someone else.

Boy:how many were there?

Girl: About ten, it was a really good night.

Boy: what did you do.

Girl: Oh they did me on the pool table.

(I heard my brother say "so She said they did me on the pool table".


hears another one.

Jessica: that is totally wrong.

Carleta: I Just said he's hot.

Jessica: But he's your cousin.

Carletta: second cousin, which makes it ok to fuck him

(those girls are complete hicks who used to go to my school...carletta has been with the second cousin for a while now.)

^ lol sounds like mean girls

That's fuking gross like there's not enough people in this country to choose from

There's always something about some 16 year old getting knocked up or contracting chlamydia.
But one time I was walking down the street and this couple walked past. They were completely silent, but as soon as the were next to me one of them blurted out "lampshades!"
..Ihave no idea why. Bloody brits.

Yeah...my town is full of hicks making mutated children....well actually not my town as such.....my town is full of people who work for a near by power plant...the office is in our town but not the plant, so it's where all the accountants and alot of lawers and engineers work so I guess they don't really consitue bogans....but it's surrounding towns that are full of bogans....I'm not telling you what type of power plant cause there is a 99% chance that everybody from AU would know where i live....not that you couldn't work it out anyway .

child at a Target store:
Aw, but mom! I want it!

Mother:
NO! You've already got all the other ones! What makes this one so important?

child:
I wanna have 'em all!

mother:
Just for that, no. You're too greedy.

That reminds me of a time that I was in target.
Guy on cell phone: Why did you send me to buy you makeup? I don't know the first thing about makeup?
I burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter when I heard that.

Priest (To new eucharistic ministers): Are you committed to being ministers of the eucharist? *whispers* (We are)

New ministers: We are.

At Church

Guy to the coke machine in the lobby: "C'mon you fucking little bitch. Fucking piece of crap. You gonna fuck with me again today?"
Well.... I found it funny.... he does it all the time.... he has a serious problem with our Coke machine

guy in the lobby on the phone: "Yeah he busted a vein in his dick."

theres a lot more from my work that I'm just not going to repeat.... that last one was bad enough.


at a restaurant:
girl talking about her recent trip to Canada: "Yeah the first store we went to...I bought a pop, and they gave me too much change back! It was like more than I even gave them. I didn't say anything."
(if you don't find that amusing back when I overheard that Canadian money was still worth less than USD so she was SUPPOSED to get more change back)

Guy on phone to girlfriend: Yeah... make sure you pout.. yeah and then stamp your foot...

In a department store

Teenage boy 1: Oh, look, these cds cost $2
Teenage boy 2: Your mum costs $2 *laughs*

Downstairs at Big Star cd store

Ok, this is not really overheard in town but my brother says a bunch of funny things so thought I'd post one he said to me today.
I accidentally sneaked up on him when he was sitting on the sofa and scared him.

"You sure can sneak up on people! You must've been a ninja in an early life."

I'm sorry. I just find that hilarious!

Girl talking to her roommate on the phone:
"Is it supposed to itch this much? .... I don't know! I've never done it before!"

some dude says to this guy, "..And they were throwing up in each others mouths and shit.."

o.O

an uninformed mother in a store line, with Guitar Hero 3 in hand:
So, honey, we buy this game, and there's nothing else right?

son:
Oh, no, there's a ton of stuff online, too!

mother:
Oh, dear *starts pulling out money*

They have a section like this in the sydney morning herald


I wanna start listening out for some stupid things people say

Well not overheard but yelled out at me and my friend in town...
"I like sheep but you girls are alright" drunkards.

Me, waiting in line to pay for a top at Lane Bryant. (I'm a 38D cup.)
Skinny girl: "I'm never shopping in Lane Bryant. THey don't have cool clothes."
Me:
(FTR-Lane Bryant has some really cool things for curvey women-we're not boxes!)

That must've been 2 Girls, 1 Cup.

My four year old brother: "Sex is bigger than everything!"

Of course he meant 'six', but it still made me laugh!

ahahaha
these yo mama always make me laugh...

This isnt overheard, but overseen? i guess. Anyway I was in Melbourne recently and there was a sign in the window of a yum cha restaurant that said:

"Please note, parrot fish like resting on the sandbed, they are not sick or dead."

Someone who walk past me at the mall:
"My balls are itching"

in the bus, seeing a guy coming up inside :

girl 1 : "oh my god, has he got eyes?"
girl 2 : "no! he's an emo".

extremely loud bass music coming from cars.

two drunk men looking at a girl
#1: she won't even talk to us
#2: oh yes she will *burp* she'll say: f-f-fuck off!!

^

some guy on his computer on campus:
"FUCKING FUCKETY FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!"

On the bathroom stall I read exactly: Suck my dick bith

First of all, you shouldn't have a dick. Second of all, you spelled bitch wrong (and of course left out a comma and period ). And third of all, no.

Well, this isn't exactly overheard, but I thought I'd post it anyway.

My friend (who calls herself a Sex Pistols fan) : "Isn't this your Syd Barrett badge?"
Me: "I don't have a Syd Barrett badge."
My friend: "Then what's this?"
Me: "That's not Syd Barrett!"
My friend: "Well it's one of the guys from Pink Floyd. How should I know his name?"
Me: "That guy is in Sex Pistols. "
My friend: "Ah, yes. Of course. It's Sid Vicious. Sorry, I can totally see it now."
Me: "It's Johnny Rotten."