Its easy just make up imaginary convos with you and The Vines...hell...with any other band just as well!



Me: Hey Craig...Whats up?
Craig: I want to run for Mayor.
Me: Really?
Craig: No, not really.
Me: Mmm..kay.

ooh i got one

me: i wanna carrot suit
ryan: really?
me: yes. will you get one for me?
ryan: sure
me: thank you!

judging by the title, this is way old school, huh? are they still at the old board you think? i wanna read em.

me: HEY CRAIG!!!! how ya doing? so they named me your new manager and this is what i got planned for the next month. well for starters, i think you should go back on tour, cause youve probably got enough rest. lets start at a big city like New York or Los Angeles. with all the recent news surrounding the band, we should be able to pack the arenas easily. id say about 15,000 fans each night? so we'll do 4 cities each week, for maybe about 3 months. and dont forget, we have to do the promos. so we'll visit Letterman, Leno, and O'Brien. and we'll also do all the interviews for NME, Karaang, and such. and also...

Craig: *shoots me with a sawed off shotgun*

Im gonna make a new one cuz i got nuthin to do

Me: hello
Matt Bellamy: hi
me: I challenge u to a game of ping pong
Matt: ok then
Me: you can serve
Matt: thanks!
Me: ur welcome
Matt: ok here i go
Me: ok u win im thirsty im going to go get a drink now.
Matt: ok
Me: i wanna carrot suit
Matt: really?
Me: yes, ryan's getting one for me.
Matt: cool.
Me: but ur welcome to get me one too.
Matt: ok i will

Me:...So...
CN:Who the hell are you?
Me runs away/recedes quickly back into the shadows

Yay

ooh i got one!

me: hey craig wanna sex
craig: ok..
me: awesome

*Craig has Bristish Alex-like Clockwork Orange accent*

Craig: I am so very tired, Teri!
Me: Why is that, Craig?
Craig: Because I keep asking you out and you keep turnin' me down!
Me: Well, you see Craig...I would love to go out with you, its just that well, I'm kinda having Julians babies here.
Craig: Ok...
Me: Well, there is one thing you could do for me...
Craig: What would that be, luv???!?!
Me: Help Ryan get her *points at eat grapes* a carrot suit...and while your at it make me some tea.
Craig: Okzerz! Anthing for you luv!

yay! i getta carrot suit!

Me: Hi Patrick, how are you?
Pat: not so good
Me: Why's that?
Pat: I accidentally killed craig (he rolls his eyes when he says "accidentally")
Me: How'd you do that?
Pat: I took one of Hamish's drum sticks and I... (his voice quietly trails off)
Me: What did you do with the drum stick?
Pat: (mumbles incoherently)
Me: uh well why'd you do it?
Pat: He called me fat, he knows how sensitive I am about my figure.
Me: well, whach gonna do now
Pat: Find Hamish's drum stick, what are you going to do?
Me: pretend that this conversation never happened.

haha ... so... what did he do with the drum stick?

he never told me

oh I've got another... pretend Craig hasn't died yet.
Me: Hi, wow its great to meet you.
Craig: Yeah, whatever
Me: So how's the new album coming?
Craig: Patrick is going to kill me (he rubs his butt randomly)
Me: why are you rubbing your butt?
Craig: Well one time I made him mad and he tryed to... (voice trails off quietly)
Me: Why's he mad?
Craig: I told him that he's fat and stupid
Me: why would you say that, isn't he your friend?
Craig: If you define friend as "Someone who is insanely jealous of you" then yes.
Me: ummm, hmmm, thats not what I heard ( only said this to get the truth out of him)
Craig: Okay Okay I called him fat because he asked to borrow my jacket.
Me: why don't you want him to borrow your jacket?
Craig: stop fuckin' interrogatin' me alright, it's not my fuckin' fault, now git outa here before I use Patrick's drum stick attack on ya

ok since noone else seems to be posting right now and i have nothing to do....

Me: im bored. no ones posting.
Conor O: really?
Me: ya
Conor: would you like a carrot suit?
Me: no, its ok i already got three.
Conor: wow. from who?
Me: ryan and craig got me one and so did Matt Bellamy.
Conor: thats only two.
Me: oh. I can't count.... would you like a biscuit?
Conor: no
Me: would u like a coke?
Conor: no
Me: oh.
Conor: are you sure u dont want another carrot suit?
Me: when did i say i didnt want a third?
Conor: ok then is that a yes?
Me: no.

You stole my line.

Me: Hey, Craig...nice shoes
Craig: Uh...thanks.
Me: Wanna fuck?
Craig: Sure.

~*i wish*~

uh, mine were way better and a lot more intelligent

Me: Hey Hamish
Ham: hi
Me: Do you like jelly beans?
Ham: nah, they remind me of the bad times, when I was dared to eat nothing but jelly beans for a year.
Me: oh, what flavor
Ham: dirt
Me: oh that sucks
Ham: yeah, want a tootsie roll I have a whole bunch? **shows me a box full of tootsie rolls**
Me: what the frick are all those for?
Ham: I was dared to eat nothing but tootsies for a year.
Me: okay, I take one.

Me: hi
Patrick: hi
Me: wanna play doctor
Parick: yes please!

the end...well no not really

*disturbing images are popping up in Washu's mind*

haha

well uh...I dont find it disturbing

The Vines and The Simpsons...again

*Craig jumps around in front of Krusty Burger with a big sign that says "Krusty Burger Sucks, McDonalds is the Best" while Ryan, Patrick and Hamish watch

Ryan: Hey Pat, guess which part of that sign is the one I wrote
Patrick: You made the whole thing, Ryan
Ryan: I thought we all made it?!
Pat: I taped the huge cardboard to the stick
Hamish: And I drew the cheeseburger, fries and coke on the lower right
PAtrick: No one's asking
Ryan: That cheeseburger of yours is just a smudge of colors
Hamish: It's Craig's fault. He wouldn't wait until I finish the painting so he rolled all over it. *Hamish frowns*

All of a sudden, the fat officer guy and Krusty the Clown arrives and tries to arrest Craig.
Craig: Hamish, Ryan and Patrick told me to do it!!!!
Patrick, Ryan and Hamish: Why you little...!
*Patrick, Ryan and Hamish strangle Craig*

me: Hi Craig !!
Craig: Hi sara how are you?
me: Im Great Thank You
Craig: Great ...you wonna go to my house?
me: oou sorry but y have to go a friend House...Ryan ...you Know
Craig: Ohhh ..well...other they..no?
me: Yes Why Not?
Craig: Great!
me:Well y have to go
Craig: i call you tomorrow ok?
me: Ok!
Craig: Bye!!
me: Bye!! see you!!!

Me: Howdy-dowdy!
Craig: Uhhh....yeah
Me: Soooo...got any salmon?
Craig: No. Why?
Me: Well....hmm...I like salmon
Craig: Oh. Yeah...whatever
Me: Don't you like salmon?
Craig: NOOOO, YOOOOO STUPID BITCH!!!! I THINK I MADE IT FUCKING CLEAR THAT I FUCKING DON'T!!!!!!!!!
Me: Um, as a matter of fact, you...
Craig: ROAR! *starts throwing chairs*
Me: Aaaaaaah!!!!!! STOOOOP!!!!!! *yells in desperate attempt* How about Tostitos?????
Craig: NNNNNNNAAAAAAWRRRR!!!!!!!!!! *throws chair at me*
Me: *ducks just in time to avoid chair in flight* Alright.....*deep breath* WHAT ABOUT MCDONALD's!!!!
Craig: *suddenly stops, sits down and gazes admiringly* Yes, sweetie? You said something. What? *yawning* WHHHAAAT?
Me: I'm taking you to McDonald's
*Craig jumps up in ecstasy, grabs his spare roll of pot. I proceed to drive him to McDonald's where I buy him a nice nuggets happy meal. The next couple hours are unbearable while craig utilizes his newfound love of Pink Power Rangers Holiday Editions action figures by pretending to "sha-boom" me with his "shamakaka strength". He begs for another happy meal*

***TO BE CONTINUED***

^ I think that one is the funniest one yet GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!

Thanks....I'll make a sequel next time I'm bored

Which is right now...

SEQUEL TO CRAIG HITS THE MAC (episode 1)

Craig: *breaks into fit* ME WANT HAPPY MEAL!!! ME WANT HAPPY MEAL!!! ME WANT...
Me: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU ANNOYING CHILDISH BASTARD!!!!!!!!
Craig: NO! BITCH!!!! GIVE ME A HAPPY MEAL OR GIVE ME DEATH!!! (the modern abe lincoln )
Me: *feels for gun* (hahah, NO WAY!!!!!)
Craig: *uneasy* Uhhhhh, errrmmm....just kidding...haha...*nervous laugh* I...I'll shut up...promise *batts eyelashes*
Me: Fine. I wouldn't have killed you before fucking you anyway (heh heh)
Craig: *sticks tongue out at me while my back is turned*
Me: Sooooo....How's life
Craig: Great....got any pot?
Me: Erm....yeah...uhmmm...not really the pot person...
Craig: NOT A POT PERSON???? HOW DARE YOU APPROACH ME UNDER THE PRETEXT OF SUCH HONORABLE INTENTIONS WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME YOU'RE NOT A POT PERSON??? *shudders* We're through!!!
Me: Oh...Craiggums...I'm sure we can work it out...you know...compromise....
Craig: NO! COMPROMISE SCHMOMPROMISE.....we're through...period!!!
Me: *sniffle*
Craig: *turns mellow* Awww....sweetie...I never realized you...here...*starts singing Mary Jane*
Me: OOOHHHHH....YOU THINK YOU'LL MAKE ME ALL HAPPY BY SINGING ME A SONG ABOUT SOME OTHER BITCH???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH YOU ARE SO WRONG THERE BUSTER!!!!!!
Craig: *hurt, strums an angry chord and throws guitar out of window*

To be cont'd....

Veddy big words for a stoner to use.

That actually made me laugh.....VERY HARD

He's Shakespeare...on pot

SEQUEL TO Pott Pott (episode 2)
*a bang is heard as craig's guitar hits something unidentifiable on the street*

Me: Whad'ya do that for??
Craig: Whoops....ah, let's see what's become of it *peers out of window* Uh....seems like it landed on some bloke's head*
Me: What the heck....*looks out* *sees guitar jammed on top of a guy's head and guy helplessly struggling to free himself* AW CRAIG...you just jammed a dude's head inside a guitar!!!
Craig: Ah...well...it wasn't on purpose, so who can blame me? It was all cause of the damned pot anyway....*mumbles* damned pot...who needs it. Not me...*absentmindedly shoves last smoke, which happened to be lying on windowsill, out of window* *panics* OH, NO...DID I JUST THROW MY LAST CIGGY OUT???? AAAH!!! NOOOO!!!!!!!! *cries*
Me: There...there....it was about time, too...
Craig: About time?! ABOUT TIME????!!!!! *in rage* ABOUT TIME, YOU POT-HATER????!!!!!!!!
Me: THAT'S ENOUGH...POT-HEAD!!! YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!!!
Craig: Oh yeah...well you....you make me....HORNY!!! HA!
Me: REALLY? Wow....thanks.
Craig: *confused* whaaaa?
Me: You said horny...oh....*explains meaning of word horny*
Craig: Ooooohhhh....damn Patrick led me to believe horny means getting in a whole rhino mood and wanting to stab someone with your horns....aah
Me: *laughs uncontrollably*
Craig: What's so funny, huh, bitch?! I'll show Patrick....wait til I get all horny on him!!!

*To be cont'd*

Me: How's it goin' down under?
Pat: well after I killed Craig. Ryan and Hamish threw me a party.
Me: hmm.. cool, I guess
Pat: yeah I got laid... twice.
Me: mm hmm
Pat: Then I went a to the cemetery and I dug up Craig's body
Me: why, exactly?
Pat: I was drunk, and I...
Pat: Well anyway I dug up a different guy named Craig... Craig Nichols with one L.
Me: Where's Craig's Nicholls with two L's body?
Pat:Don't know, I think I may have sexual encountered it last night, I was hammered and everyone was hot.
Me: Are you serious?
Pat: Unfortunately, yes.
Me: well, where's the body
Pat: in my bed, naked

Kay that was a little gross but I am really tired, I might not be on again for a while, maybe tomorrow, not on Wednesday though cause its my birthday so talk to everyone when I am on again, Bye happy birthday to me!!

SEQUEL TO...Horny Patrick (episode 3)

Me: Wait...CRAAAAIG....no, you can't get all horny on patrick, you'll...
Craig: NO!!!! NOTHING'S GONNA STOP ME....I'M INVINCIBLE....yes, invincible, that's what I am...and UNTOUCHABLE, too!!!
Me: No, you're not *tags craig* You're IT!!
Craig: *starts chasing me around the house*
*I hide behind a door, but craig manages to find me*
Craig: Found you!!! Hahahahahaha....*menacingly* tight bitch
Me: OH YEAH????? TAKE...THAT! *karate chops craig*
Craig: *dizzy* Whoa....what're YOU on?
Me: LOOK, IT'S PATRICK!!! GO GET HIM!!!
Craig: *turns around, sees no one*
Me: *pounces on Craig from behind*
Craig: *yells uncontrollably, rolls eyes, sticks tongue out*
Me: There now...don't you feel refreshed?
Craig: Yeah...bitch. I think I'll go smoke some....damn...IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT, YOU TIGHT BITCH!!!! ALL YOUR...
Me: *swish*
Craig: *in a daze* Nevermind, nothing....nothing at all....I'll just go about my....*sees patrick standing in the hall and charges*
Patrick: Hiya Craig...huh...AAAAAAH!!!
*both fall to the floor and turn into a rolling man-ball*
Craig: *through battle* I'm in...vin...ci..ble!!!!!!! AAAAARGH!!!!
*craig is thrown back against the wall*
Me: Wow....patrick...pretty impressive!!! *mood shift* YOU JUST KILLED CRAIG!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! AAAH! *slaps patrick*
Craig: Naw....it's just...my invincibilty has been injured....my untouchableness touched....*moans*
Me: No way Jose...I was the one who touched your untouchableness *refers to previous game of tag* I get the credit for that
Craig: Oh...yeah...uh....just get me to a hospital..

TO BE CONT'D...

It's so fun imagining that

Sister Bill, you have some very impressive literary skills

It's so fun imagining that

Sister Bill, you have some very impressive literary skills

Thank you. I get that a lot...

SEQUEL TO....Craig and Patrick Brawl (episode 4)

Me: Patrick!!!! YOU PSYCHOPATH!!!!!! CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!
Patrick: *stares into space*
Me: NOW...I said NOW!!!!! *slaps patrick*
Patrick: Huh...ooooh yeah...NOOOOW.....*gets phone and dials*
Me: Craiggers....how are you feeling
Craig: Not good...OBVIOUSLY...bitch. I say it's all your...it's all YOUR FA...
Patrick: Yes...I'd like to order a....large...cheese....yes...pepperoni...uh-uh...
Me: *snatches phone from patrick just as he hangs up* WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, FREAKO!!!!!! You're supposed to be calling an...
Patrick: *mocking voice* AMB-YOO-LANCE...YEAH...I KNOOOOW....but I already called the pizza people and now there's nothing you can do about it!!!! *evil laugh, does dance, dances out of house*
*door slams*
Me: Ah, Craig....I guess we're left all to ourselves now...
Craig: Whaddaya mean, all to ourselves...call the frickin ambulance BITCH!!!! WHATCHA WAITING FOR???!!!!
Me: Ah....see...I hate to break it to you, but Patrick took the, um, phone
Craig: Then go GET IT, for god sakes!!!! You don't want me dyin here do you?? *innocent glance* (ah, just imagine it-a genuine craigish smile)
Me: Fine dude....*sprints out of house*
*I catch up with a hyperventilating patrick just in the middle of a corn field. He seems to have assumed the phone as his current object of love. I brutally snatch it from him*
Patrick: NOOOOOOO....you are separating me from my sweeeetheart....my only true looooove....please....nooo...don't punish me sooooooo.....*wails* *looks into sky and howls at the sun*
Me: Oh dear....he's turning into a werewolf. Better make a run for it!!! *runs to the house, to find craig sitting in front porch, smoking a fag, pointing at patrick, and laughing hysterically*
Craig: What a moron...whahahaha.....whaha....wha *stops and stares*
Me: Hey Craig...*throws phone at him* Use it or lose it
Craig: *frowns* wha...why....the, um, phone?
Me: Oh nothing...you just mentioned an ambulance....hm...maybe not...aah...whatever *thinks: Hmph, that's what he'll get for calling me a bitch so much*
Craig: Okee-doke....wanna take me to McDonald's???
Me: NO.
Craig: *innocently* Awww, why???
Me: I'm taking someone else.
Craig: WHOOOO? WHO COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MEEEEE?
*door opens. Julian Casablancas strolls in, a smoke hanging out of his mouth*
Me: *points*

****TO BE CONT'D****

*jumps up and down* I wanna be a character!!!

Alright.....you get your wish

SEQUEL TO...The Mystery Man etc. (episode 5)

Craig: *scared* AAAAAHH!!!! WHO IS THIS....this......unearthly creature??? *whimpers*
Julian: WHO YA CALLIN E.T., HUH??? YO CALLIN THIS PIMP E.T., HUH??? WHY YOU....
Me: It's alright...perfectly alright...*ushers Julian into side room* *whispers into craig's ear* Identity crisis....he's a pimp today....
Craig: Huh.....*scratches head*...what's a...
Me: Nevermind...*enters side room which contains julian*
Craig: *waves hysterically* HEY!!! HHHHEY!!!! WHHERE'D YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?????
Me: Ummm...to talk to Julian....yeah...talk....bye!!!!
Craig: *stands confused*
*door slams*
Craig: Ahhhh...*breaks into song* I've lost my girl too....when the pimp came along...my girl, my girl, my girl, my girl (sing to melody of "Hit the road jack" )
*knock on door* *Freaky_Freak enters*
Craig: *starts* *stops singing* *shaken and wide eyed* HOW MUCH DID YOU HEAR??? *blinks*
Freaky_Freak: Something bout some girl...
Craig: REALLY? Ah my privacy has been unscrupulously invaded. I am only left to die...
Freaky_freak: *worried* WHY???
Craig: Ah, you might as well hear the whole thing *breaks into same song*
Freaky_freak: *tear* Aw, Craig...that was so touching. *serious* But I STILL don't get anything...
Craig: OH YEAH......BITCH??!!!! WELL THEN GO IN THERE *points to side room* AND BREAK UP THEIR LITTLE TALK-FEST!!!!!! I.....DARE YOU!!!! *satisfied laugh, knowing he has found a way to reach his goal*
Freaky_freak: Oh damn....YOU KNOW I can't resist a dare!!!!
*Freaky_Freak approaches door of...side room*

Toooo beeee cont'd.....

haha thats great!

Thank you...I feel so praised!!!

brilliant
... I loved the 'horny'-part

I really like your story but it shouldnt stop all the others from writing. So I'll try too.

Me: Fancy some icecream?
Hamish: *shakes head*
Me: Why? It tastes great! Dont you wanna try? *puts the icecream right under his nose*
Hamish: No, thanks.
Me: what is it? Everyone likes Icecream.
Hamish: I don't
*Patrick passes us*
Me: Hey, Pat is it true that Hamish doesnt like Icecream?
Patrick: *laughs* That motherfucker loves anything creamy and sweet. *walks off*
Me: I knew it, come in Hamy, a bit of licking wont kill you.
Hamis: *gives me a strange look*
Me: Icecream, Im still talking about icecream.
Hamish: Oh... No, then.
Me: But why? It tastes delicous...
Hamish: *whines* I know
Me: Ok... *starts licking icecream* Why did I actually want to share it?
Hamish: *runs off crying*
Me: *shrugs* Pff... men...

Hahahahahahah...brilliant

Yay!

Sequel to...."Talking" with Jules (episode 6)

Freaky_Freak: *bursts into side room* AHA!!!!!! *suddenly quiet* Um....
*it turns out that Sister Bill and Julian were, in fact, talking!!!*
Julian: Hey Freaky_freako_shmeako_shmizzle!!! Fo shizzle!!! *points*
Freaky_freak: Oooookaaaaay....*shuts door*
Craig: *excited* Wha'd you see?
Freaky_freak: Um...talking.....Julian...Sister Bill...talking....fo shizzle...
Craig: Fo...whaaaa??? *throws suspicious glance*
Freaky_freak: Huh? I ain't done nothing wrong...dude...*backs away as craig advances* ...seriously....dude....fo shizzle....I...
Craig: *whoosh* *misses freaky freak by an inch with thrown candy wrapper*
Freaky_Freak: Damn Craig...you really suck.
Craig: Yeah...I know. Wanna take me to McDonald's?
Freaky_Freak: Yeah...sure. But...uh...them...talking...in there *points to side room*
Craig: Ah...don't worry about them...they're fine...let's go.....
Freaky_freak: *unsure* Ohhh....OK....

To be cont'd

That's quite possibly the happiest trip I've ever had to McDonalds.

You haven't had it yet...

I do stuf like that when i try to fall asleep

Maybe not but I will one day

me: I love you.
Craig: *walks off*

.....what more do you want from me its 1:00am.....