WTA?

I´ve been diagnosed with High Functioning Autism (HFA) in a university hospital 2 years ago.

hmpf. I didn´t want to go to the ambulance with the intention that any doctor would give me this stamp. my parents have that thaughts so after many tests and hours i´ve been diagnosed with that form of autism. It´s not really a "suffer" for me, but the comorbid disorders which are going along with that are really heavy for me...depressions, eating disorders (I can´t eat with people in one room etc.)

I´m critically in pertaining to these AS forums and stuff cause the most people are commiserating themselfes.. just my 2 cents.

I'm not diagnosed with AS but I have a few friends which are aspie(s? i don't know) and our characters are very similar.

I think that I can have AS, but better not pick holes.

every1 on this forum has aspergers lets not kidourselves

yeah and also I'm having special provisions for my upcoming trials and HSC because of my Aspergers and anxiety

^ yeah i have to have that too, but for my yr 10 certificate

and also it is believed that my dad has AS but he hasn't been officially diagnosed

he has a big fixation with Bob Dylan, battleships and fighter planes, cars and has this routine of going to the Sunday markets in this suburb at Newcastle plus a lot of people called him the "Professor" because he's into science and maths. He hasn't been in a romantic relationship in years though (my parents divorced after my sister was born).

I have bipolar and my cousin has aspergers.

He reminds me of Joey Ramone

Hey, Haven't been on here in a very long time. remembered many people had aspergers on this forum,
Just need to offload, talking about myself sometimes calms me down.. shall be very boring to read...
if anyone has any advise that would be great..

My mum has always suspected i had high functioning aspergers but sometimes doubted it as i seemed a happy, pleasant and functioning child. My mum has also been on courses and learnt about aspergers because of her job. she has only told me recently that she thinks i definatley have it.
soon as i hit teens, i was often depressed, anxious and behind in work, but i managed to get through higher education. (like a huge amount of teenagers) My mum never wanted to take to to the doctors and label me with it, in case i didn't. I've always been called weird and unique (not sure why but i get it alot) and teachers and employers never understood me, (also same with alot of teens). I've just spent a year from home at uni and dropped my course, i couldnt handle the stress and smoked alot of weed... which may be a factor to how im feeling now. I have compulsive thoughts, constantly telling myself that im doing everything wrong, that i'm a bad person, no one likes me and analysing mine and everyone elses behaviour ect. My close friends have known me for along time now, yet if i don't get enough attention from them, i instantly think they don't like me. (which isnt true, apparantly)

I'm extremely negative, i don't believe there is any reason to my existence. If i'm hungry which is the majority of the time, i have horrible tantrums, will say ridiculous hurtful things untill i've eaten. i'm driving my parents crazy, my mum is a counselor (a very good one i believe) and has always taught me how to deal with most situations well, but i'm so stubborn i think i know everything and that i should take control of my behaviour. I think of suicide everyday at the moment and cant stop crying unless i distract myself. this may be just depression, if so, i don't know how i will ever get out of it, counseloring will not work.
I'm constantly told i should take responsibility, but end up in a mess. at 20 years old so much is expected of me. i have no enjoyment in life.
The problem with my 'symptoms' of aspergers, is that everyone gets them too, because its proven everyone has it too a small degree, although obviously some have it to a certain extent that they cannot function. alot of people also refuse to except it exists.

I hate to think that some people may think i use depression or possiblity of aspergers as an excuse for my behaviour, but i've got to the point where i don't know why or how to stop acting out so horribly to my close friends and family.
I'm extremely honest and fairly open, i talk to many people about how i feel, but nothing has been affective.

wowzers.. even i can't be bothered to re-read through this.

that is so scary

alot of people have called me weird in the past and I'm graduating school this year and I'm worried about going a big change, I've been feeling anxious about it but my medications help

what medication do you have?

I'm guessing your off the uni soon?
ah, alot feel the same!
Everyone i know and myself have enjoyed the freedom on living away from home, everyone at university are so much friendlier and accepting than at school. if i didn't have such a problem with the course i would love to be sharing a house with my friends right now.
I felt like a failure dropping out but, there's plenty of opportunities for me to go back to uni and somewhere else in the future if i wanted to.
My tutor was saying she changed courses 3 times before she settles down.
i don't regret going to uni, i don't think anyone does. as much as i've had downers, i've also had really good times and learn't alot about myself in the year i was there.
good luck!

Yeah, I'm currently on Lovan, and thinking of doing a Fine Art or Communications degree for uni or a cource in photography at TAFE
I'm nervous about whether or not I'm going to uni...

what is TAFE?

Like a technical college where you do diplomas or certificates instead of going to university/college and getting a degree. It's different here in Australia...

i have asperger, i was diagnosed at 15.

i don't, but i felt like telling everyone here best of luck with it

aww gee thanks

so its after highschool?

yeah

I have Asperger's. I've just started to tell people, though I feel I have to tip toe around some people. They think I'm looking for sympathy, when really I just like talking about it.
I went through a lot of anxiety about going to gigs because the sound can often get to me. Does anyone else get that? In fact I gave it all up until after You Am I's JD Set, which Craig was actually at. I decided after that to work on myself, or take medication. Since I got back into gig photography I've not had always had the dramas with the sound. A few times I have and I've just had to get through it. I get this feeling in my head and I can't explain it properly, but I hate it.

I've also never had a job, but done work experience. It was horrible. Good news that I might turn my band photography into a career. I do get paid for taking photos sometimes.

wow

I had jobs but they were short lived as I was rude to customers

And there's this list of famous people on the autistic spectrum

http://incorrectpleasures.blogspot.com/200...-important.html

So basically the most interesting people ever had Asperger's?

I didn't know Craig was diagnosed by Tony Attwood. I wish I was.

Well, believed to had it.

And I can't believe you saw him at the JD set.

And Dr Attwood also hold seminars about Autism all over the place for parents and sufferers.

Those seminars are quite expensive. I suppose I should save my money and go to less gigs? Nah, not going to happen.
My friend saw him there. I was in a bit of a state and didn't go to the gig. But my friends are majorly obsessed with You Am I so they of course made me feel jealous about missing out. That's why I'm seeing them 3 times this week.

Oh okay

well he has written a couple of books at least

I know this was months ago, but it sounds to me like you have a mood disorder, possibly major depression - though don't take my word for it, I'm not a registered professional, and there's obviously not enough information here for me to have any kind of certainty about it. You didn't mention any indicators of Aspergers here, so I can't really comment on that.

You should seriously consider seeking professional help, even if you don't believe talking about it would be of benifit - they do a lot more than just listen to you (though I personally believe that just venting to a neutral soundboard can be very effective, also). They can help you with strategies to control your outbursts, learning where the emotion is coming from in the first place, cog restructuring so you can look at you situation in more objective ways... there's all sorts of things they can help you out with.

Also, the bit I bolded isn't right at all. There is no "proof" that everyone lies on the spectrum. There are theories that many people experience some of the symptoms of Aspergers at some point in their lives, to a very small degree, but there is no evidence that everybody actually has the disorder, even in it's mildest forms.

I was wondering if anyone could relate to this, or at least know what I could do to avoid it happening again?



This is from friday, Nov 13


This is from Sunday, Nov 15


This is the full blog: http://latedx.wordpress.com/

As a band photographer and gig goer I need to work out some way to not repeat this again. The next gig I'm shooting I requested no strobe lights so I may be able to shoot that gig with no dramas, but there's going to be a gig when they'll have them again. Do I tell the lighting guy or do I just leave if I get bothered by them again? Or is there a way to get used to them?

QUOTE
showing me how to do some cognitive behavioural therapy

What do you mean by that? What sort of things was he showing you? And did they work?

QUOTE
As I was standing watching them something strange happened: I was a lot slower than usual. I call this my low functioning autistic state (LFA).

What exactly happens in that state? Slow as in motor functioning, or cognitive functioning? Does the world slow down, or is it only your actions?


My friend Tania offered me some nuts and I had such strong taste synesthesia. That can happen under a lot of stress.

I wasn't aware that synesthesia can just manifest like that under stress. I know the properties of it can change (for example a letter that usually appears blue might be green under stress), and the strength of it can change, but I've never heard of it only appearing under stress. Is that really unusual for you? Also, can I ask what the association was for you? (a sound/colour/texture/etc.)

I'm sorry about all the questions, and by all means feel free not to answer them. I'm just really curious about this sort of thing. My probing often gets me into trouble, actually :/


We moved closer to the stage to the front, somehow I made it all the way back to the stage. The strobe lights weren’t bothering me as much. When they did I just shook my head or scratched my head with my hand. I was rocking, humming, hand twisting and staring upwards. Never have I done that at a show or really ever. It was impossible to snap out of it. I could barely talk apart from saying ‘my setlist’ to my friend Riv.

As I'm sure you know, novel and stressful situations can trigger regression in Autistic individuals, and that's what it sounds like happened here. Do you often do shows back to back like this? The fact that there were four in succession, plus the stress of staying away from home for that period, might have pushed you over the edge. Concerts are one of the worst places when you're dealing with Autistic symptoms, so I don't think it would take much for you to snap.

To be honest, I'm not sure there's much you can do about the light situation - most bands aren't likely to tone down their light show because someone can't handle it. I think you should definitely try your luck, but I wouldn't expect much.
I feel quite sick from concert lights myself, especially red, blue, or strobe lights. Generally I just deal with it by closing my eyes and looking down. If that's not working for you, maybe some form of tinted glasses might help?

Oh I don't mind answering questions.

The cognitive behavioral therapy was showing ways to calm anxiety down. She pressed in between my thumb and finger until the pain sort of numbed out.

It was both slow actions and cognitive functioning. Usually I can think of several things at once but as I was trying to talk to Tim there was a blankness in my mind I never had before. Even just sitting there with all those people around the table (You Am I and friends) I had no thoughts whatsoever.

Synesthesia comes up sometimes with me. I don't have to be stressed out to get it, but the more stress the more strong it is. I usually can see colours through touch, music and sometimes taste.

I sometimes do two back to back shows, but I get exhausted and anti-social so I don't do it that much. I was only meant to go to two shows, but then I ended up to going to all of the shows. It was pretty foolish of me but it did all work out...I met the band.

I bought some tinted glasses to wear when the light gets too strong. I feel a bit silly putting them on in doors though. I'm looking to get a good pair of ear plugs too.

Maybe i've got it too. I have a really different way of thinking and people say my facial expressions are completely wrong. I havent got the diagnose yet, but a couple of internet tests said that i maybe have got it.

That's called being a teenager.

I guess this tends to get ignored by a lot of people. Or they don't know it exists. Somehow people can make you believe there are no disorders at all on this planet...

I'm moving away from Asperger's a bit here, but I agree, especially with mental illnesses. A lot of people, especially those who have never suffered from a mental illness before, believe in the notion "seeing is believing". If it's not a physical ailment, it's not real, or not as important, and the person should just "get over it". There are a lot of skeptics too, who think all these syndromes and disorders are made up (for whatever reason) and totally deny the existence of them at all. It stops other people getting help and it's sad.

It's kind of weird that people seem to believe that an illness that is definitely visible in your brain is less harmless than a missing limb or whatever. I think people really should think outside of these categories and get real.

I'm pretty pissed off at my mother for ignoring whatever's wrong with me - probably several things. I want to scream at all those ignorant people out there. "You think there's nothing wrong with me? Or that it's my own fault?!" Cause that's what a lot of people seem to think.

Yeah, whatever. Sometimes I really believe that my life would have been better if I had just jumped out of a window six years ago. Or even earlier. Most of the time I think it would have been better if I had never been born. It would have spared everyone a lot of embarrassment.

When exactly does a person gain their right to exist? In my worst hours I think "Well, man, just kill all those people who don't fit into your perfect world". I wonder who'd still be alive then......

Yes, it's depressing how many people just ignore everything.

I had this thought an hour ago, very unsettling. I seriously feel as if I was part of the Matrix. Please, someone, give me drugs or a hole to bury myself in. I'm done with this. My life is just completely useless.

Day by day I sit in front of my computer, awaiting the moment when I'll go completely insane. Maybe this day will never come. I wish it would. The way I feel is pretty bad. ^^

Man, I have to go back to university in a couple of days, I am not ready for it and I'll at least write a paper. Hopefully I'll manage. Otherwise I'll have to get the hell out of here.

How does she ignore it (your mum)? Have you directly talked to her about it? Maybe she just doesn't know about it?

Awh, don't say that. Why six years ago? What happened. How have you caused everyone embarrassment? Everyone feels as it they don't belong sometimes, some more than others.

Yeah exactly. That's the thing. No one is perfect. No one would be left in the world if that happened. I guess some people are just better at disguising their problems and pain. You know, how sad is this, I don't think I've ever been happy. Truly happy. In my whole life. And maybe it's because of that, or maybe I'm right in my thinking, "is anyone happy?" I just don't believe it. I see people going around smiling all the time, always happy, always looking on the bright side of life and I just can't believe they're like that all the time. Even if it looks like it. I don't believe anyone can ever be perfectly happy in this world. There isn't a reason to be.

I haven't seen the Matrix.. haha. So I don't really know what you mean. But awh. You said you've gone to a psychologist, didn't you? Did they not diagnose and prescribe you with anything to alleviate your suffering?

Maybe you need a change in environment and activity? I would go insane if I were i nfront of the computer all the time. Ever heard the saying "Facebook depression?". It just basically says that (if you're a young girl, according to the study, but I'd argue it applies to other age/ gender groups too) spending a lot of time expressing your worries, thoughts, inner feelings etc on the internet can leave you prone to depression and anxiety. Because sure, the internet has "everything" you need, all the entertainment in the world. I could spend the rest of the free time in my life here because I can find things that make me happy here but I choose not to. I think it's best if we all get our kicks from different aspects of our lives. Maybe you need a new hobby, another distraction?

Do you mean you have to have a paper written in a few days time? I'm sure you'll be fine. Good luck.

Thank you.

I shouldn't be up in the middle of the night, that's when I am the whiniest.

I don't know about my mother. I think we all knew that there was something wrong with me... But how do we deal with that? Let's cover it up and let me be on my own in my room with my books instead of most of the other kids who just wanted to tease me and who found me weird and annoying. I always had the feeling that in the social environment of primary school, I was always a loser. I never understood the whole system of primary school gossip and friend swapping, I was glad when people actually talked to me. I had a few friends. It wasn't that bad. But I was never at the top. At the top were the ignorant and the mighty. Oh well...

The Matrix, if you think about it too long, is actually very depressing. ^^

It's fine.

Awh, that sucks. And yeah. I was that weird and annoying kid too. Still am...
Yeah the top of the social hierarchy doesn't appeal to me at all.

By those quotes it does seem kind of depressing, but very interesting. I always assumed it was a scary movie for some reason.

I always assumed The Matrix was this weird compley action film. Which it is in a way. ^^ But not as science fiction as I thought.

^That picture that you've posted is pretty ableist (discrimination against people with limited abilities or disabilities). AS, depression and anxiety are not diseases but you shouldn't make assumptions about other people who are diagnosed with these neurological disorders and mental illnesses.

I'm increasing your warning level.

Oh yes, totally agreed, you just don't know how much all these neurological disorders can just destroy a person's life. I don't have AS but I have depression, and some anxiety problems. You should not think that it is "easier" than any others health problems. You just don't know how much it hurts and can make you completely upset, Nikita.

It's always easy to find someone who has got it worse. Which is not a real point, actually...

I think the real problem is that people don't seem to believe that these things do make a difference and that actually a lot of people suffer from it and still get the blame...

Anyway...

Plus most people don't get any help at all and have to deal with it themselves. (Or rather people assume you have no problem at all... You're just a bitch, you know. Lazy ass. Get a life. All that shit. It's tiring, but at one point you get so depressed you won't really notice it anymore. Yeah... that's a whole lot better...) Welcome to society.

Stigmas are bad, but you still can't ignore it.

Anxiety is so bad.

i found out i had Aspergers when i was 7
and thats how i discovered Craig Really
I Heard Get Free and liked it alot so i looked them up and Stuff about Craig and Aspergers came up and i started watching interviews and stuff and i was like he rocks my knee high socks and yeah im
ramble-ing so yeah sorry

I kept thinking about Craig. For some reason I was almost convinced I didn't have it. But it's nothing anyone would like to admit... The fact that more people have it than is known has always been fascinating to me...

It's strange that people don't accept these disorders as real or problematic. It just makes life unnecessarily difficult.

Eh i don't see as a problem i see it as me. it makes me sad when people get upset over such its understandable but i think it just makes me who i am and i like myself fine... i just wish everyone would say that.

I think that is exactly the problem. I like myself and I think I always have, but whenever it comes to other people... I automatically compare myself, I listen to other people's hatred regarding myself, I listen to all the smug people who make me feel inferior. I know it's stupid, but I cannot really control it.

It is a problem because people don't accept it, because they will point the finger at you and call you names... not just regarding aspergers, they always do it. They call you lazy, fat, irresponsible, ignorant (although this is more a feeling people like to give you, they don't really say it out loud), naive, dumb, .... People like to be judgmental (me too ^^) and this makes it so hard to exist.

Do people actually know about asperger's? How many do care? I don't know... Or do they just like to ignore the difficulties they give you by making you feel bad about yourself? I always felt that people felt obliged to make me feel bad about myself. Strangely enough, I hardly make them feel bad. Well, how am I supposed to do that anyway? I am the f***-up, the one who never gets things right, that's what they believe, don't they? It just makes me angry and upset and probably even depressed...

you said you can't quite control the fact that you feel the way you do and i dont know you all to well but you really shouldnt be so hard on yourself.and even if you do things wrong or people make you feel bad about yourself it shoudnt matter. As long as you love you that should be all you need.sometimes your all you got and i really wish i could help because i hate self hate and such but from what i can tell you seem awesome and if you agree with me on that then thats all that should matter. What you think of you is way more important than what anyone else has to say. People are jerks you just have to let them be. i'm sorry Love

Awwwwww... thank you.

Yeah, I know... I only got myself. It has also its advantages.

Your reply helped.

It's just this general feeling of terror and dread, that life could collapse any second. I'm trying to push away my fears and negative thoughts.

I thought about this thread today and one thing that actually made me feel happy is that because you cannot do things well, it can only get better. And if not, who cares? Why do people care so much about little stuff. Like... whether you can jump 4 metres. Or whether you are good at Maths, able to do everything as quickly as possible? They're just sad... They should try to change what they don't like about their lives... ideally.

haha yeah exactly.peolpe are strange sometimes Lol ...which is a nice way to put it i supose
and my pleasure really glad i could help some what