i was seeing this girl and i truly believe she was my soulmate. she was perfect. i loved her personality and she was beautiful. everythigg was amazing between us. she accepted me for who i was.and for the first time imn my life i felt good about myself and about loving another person. i actually felt love for the first time in my life. she made my world so much better and i loved her so much and she made me so happy.
but she had leukemia, a type of blood cancer.... but that didnt matter to me i still wanted to be with her and i loved her with all my heart. she completed my world.
...
...
and... yesterday...she... died at the hospital.... at age 21.

im crying right now as i type. i dont know what to do. without her my world is nothing anymore. i dont know if i wanna live any longer.

i have to go. i cant even type the pain is too much.

i don't know what to say to make you feel better
you must be finding it difficult to cope with how you are feeling at this minute
i guess one way to try to help you cope could be by thinking of all the good times you had together and keeping a special place in your heart for her

i cant imagine the loss you must be feeling and i do hope you feel that you have every reason to continue on even if it is without her

its ok Seb......it'll be ok!we're here for you!

Seb...you have every right to be in pain...and I can imagine what you're going through....IT'S HELL beyond words...

I lost my father due to a heart attack 2 years ago...I was only 13...it was hell, it was painful, I didn't want to live, I didn't want to do anything. I mourned...and still am. I'm still in pain, and I will never accept it, but he lives in me. So I will keep on going on.

Losing someone is...there is no words. But you have to keep on going on, at least for yourself and for her. I imagine that she was battling to live, so you should do the very same for her honor...

Seb, it's ok to cry, it's ok to hate the world, and I know you will always keep her in your heart...because she lives in you...if you kill yourself, you will be killing all your unique memorys of her...

Seb, no one understands death, and it hurts like hell when you lose the person you most love, but you have to fight and go on...because she wouldn't want you to suicide...she would want you to make the best of your life...

Seb, I will pray for you...and for your love.

how did you cope hazel fire. i cant stop crying and hurting.
i look out the window and i see people walking together and being happy and i just feel like colllapsing to the floor.

why does god do this to good people.

I coped because I still felt him inside of me...He kept me alive...

She's inside of you...Seb.

This reminds me of the movie "A Walk To Remember". That movie was sad, and made me cry.

Well, I know how brave of you it was to love, even though you knew it would be short, and she would be gone, soon. Because of that, you should at least be happy that you allowed her last times on Earth to be happy ones, and I'm sure you brought her a lot of joy. Because of you, at least you can say she dies happy, and you should be grateful, for that.

As for killing yourself, I don't think you should. The way you're feeling for this girl, the loss you feel, well, thats how everyone will feel if you kill yourself - your parents, your friends, your family.. They will all have to go through this pain, too.

You'll make it through this. It will be hard, but I know you could do it.. And, again, I want to say how much I admire you for continuing to love her, even though you knew she was going to die. That was very brave.

just dont think of the sad stuff

think of the happiness you guys shared..
and remeber, that she passed away loving you
and she will always remeber you

She would want you to go on and have a good life. It hurts lots right now and it's tough but you will get through it.

Perhaps you can do something in her memory? Get involved in a leukemia foundation and help others in need to find a cure.

May she rest in peace and God bless.

Aw I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how I'd be if I were you.

But I hope you'll be better soon.

I start weeping... I don't know why. Even I don't really know you.

I really hate it when someone that important leaves someone else's life.

I got choked up when I said my final goodbye to this girl I had a crush on once. We were friends, she asked me out (I see that now) and I passively dismissed it without realizing it. But come time to say goodbye for good, I spilled my guts on exactly how I felt about her. I had to stop and take a breath, I was so nervous. But I managed to tell her how much I liked her and how much she meant to me. To this day, I still feel a little bad about the whole thing, the fish that got away. Now she's out of town. I still keep her phone number on my cell phone, thinking one day, she'll call me up, out of the blue, like she said. She was really cool.

but seb, dude, as hard as it sounds, you do have to eventally find it within yourself to move on, even though I know you feel so shit about it now. I personally don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I can only imagine how you're feeling....

you have my sympathy, friend.

i dont have family. my father hates me and my brother doesn tlike me. i just have my mom. i dont have many friends. she was everything i had. my whole world. my life revolved around her and my happiness was due to her and without her i have nothing now.
and to top if off i was fired from work today cos i was always late or didnt show up cos i was depressed about my girl and i knew what was happening to her. i culdnt sleep right and i couldn wake up so i would be late to work. somedays i would cry when i woke up so i didnt go to work.

ive spoken to a few people for supposrt and i feel a little bit better. more calm but im still crying a bit and my eyes are super red. looks like i smoked the craziest joint in history. i am just not sure about my future right now. i will need a few days to think things over and nurse my emotions.

her final request was to be cremated and have her ashes poured into her fav river.

That's that LEAST you can do for yourself.....do that. Grieve, get mad, do what you have to, you gotta get this shit outta your system....

Phsychadelic Soul, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm never sure what to say to people in these situations, maybe its because I've never lost anyone who was very close to me. But a few years ago my best friend lost her mother to cancer, and it was horrible to watch her go through that, she almost couldn't cope. But with time, she found other reasons to go on with her life. And now she's happy. She still thinks of her mum a lot, but mainly about happy times together and all the things she taught her.

You should try to do the things you enjoy, and not spend to much time alone. It may seem impossible at the moment, but I'm sure you will find other reasons to go on with life, but still keep her close to your heart.

When something bad comes to you, you always think it could end your life, that no one cares you and no one can understand you. But it's not true at all. Maybe your father and brother don't seem to love you, but I don't think they hate you. I also don't think it's hard for you to make friends. Well look at yourself, are you so closed? And when you share us your confidence, does that mean you consider us your friends?

I know it's hard for you to survive this, but time can change everything. I hope you'll be better. Don't see your life as a bad thing. Start it again better

Keep in mind that we'll always still love you.

thank you for the kind words everyone. i really appreciate it. altho it doesnt take away the pain. im greatful for the human support. speaking to 1 person about it can be isolating. i just want to speak to lots of people and get different views and support.

greatly appreciated.
i stopped crying. but my nose is running and i have a headache and i feel super empty and lonely right now.i miss her beautiful smile, her warm compassion and her everlasting acceptance for a weirdo like me.

sigh....

I say almost exactly that about all the girls who chose to call me their boyfriend at one point, especially that last part....that last part hits me the most.

you know, my last ex said something to me I'll never forget....and up until now, I've never been able to actually verbally say the words, because they mean that much to me, and every time I think about it, I get choked up....she doesn't know, but I'll always remember her for it.

She was in my embrace, lying with me on a couch, with my arm around her, and she was holding my hand, she rested her head on my chest, closed her eyes, kissed my hand, and said to me "I care so much about you." I tried so hard not to cry when I heard that, but a single tear found its way down my cheek.

sorry man, I just read that part I quoted you on, and now you got me going about my own things......sorry

awwwww

wow


yeah ive had some pretty bad shit happen to me too

but i dont think id really wanna talk about it aye...its just not something id wanna tell people about

but yeah, i cant understand your problemm and how bad you must be feeling

i dont have any advice

im not gonna tell you to stop crying, or forget about it or whatever, cus really, what you need to do right now is cry about it

That's terrible. It really is.

In my life, I lost vague relatives but never someone who was really close to me, therefore I can't (and don't want to) imagine the pain you'd have to go through when something like this happens.

I don't know much to say, but I do think Annie's right; for now you should cry and just let it all out. It's really for the best.

And however cheesy it may sound, you will feel better eventually. It doesn't matter if it'll take you years to get over the awful pain (in fact, a long mourning period might be good to get all your feelings out), most important thing is that even though she's gone now, you'll have to live on. And you will. I'm not saying you'll forget her - of course not - but the worst pain will be over one day or another.

Stay strong, Seb, and take care.

I am so sorry. I've never had this kind of thing happen, but I always feel that when you feel your world has ended and you can't go on any longer, things can only go up from being at rock bottom. Take some time for yourself and let yourself mourn this loss, and maybe figure out who you are... maybe that will tell you where take it from here. I know it's not the same as having her, but you will always have your memories of her and the way she touched your life. I know hearing all this right now makes you feel that it's impossible to feel better, but time is the best healer. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

Don't give up on life. Don't give up on the one thing she wanted most of all.

And this too shall pass. We never know what's around the corner in our lives. Good things will happen to you but you have to be patient and strong. You will get through this.

You have a lot of people who care about you here. You're not alone Seb.

I'm sorry. It's horrible, it really is.

I'm sorry to hear that. That's very unfortunate.

Take care of yourself and remember the good times you had with this girl.

what s with the friend you re living with?

I know the feeling, of having no friends and brother/sister that hates you. But, that shouldn't give you a reason to kill yourself. You could be desitned to do great things.. Maybe you could use this experience for something good, then. Perhaps, you can work on treatments for Lukemia, so that other people don't have to feel the way you do, now.

Wouldn't it feel good to know that you are preventing someone from going through this, like you are? You could save people..

..Or do something else, great..

i like that^

don't kill yourself

im sorry my last post wasnt very comforting
i wish i had something really helpful to say
but i dont
maybe you will get to see her in the after life
depending on what religion you are and stuff
sorry
i really do suck at this kind of stuff

I'm also so sorry about your story Hazel Fire

My far cousin just died yesterday, at the age of 8, after having blood cancer for over a year. I was not really familiar with him, but I couldn't keep my tears while looking at his boyish face on the photo when I was in his funeral this morning. He's a good kid. All he wanted was going to school with his friends. But he couldn't. He's the only child, and I couldn't do anything with his parents' deep grief.

I don't know what I post this for, but it's really unfair, when these things come to good people.

..because this world doesn't deserve them.

This is exactly why someone shouldn't kill themselves. Here's a kid who just wanted to have a life and because he was sick only lived 8 years.

I realize life isn't easy but if it were, nothing would seem rewarding. You only live once so make it a good one.

...

That note is deeply touching. I can understand why that must be hard for you to look at

aw it's really moving. I thought she had been deeply sore before she died, because that always comes to moribund cancer patients. But now I think she wasn't, when she did think of her love...

Take comfort that she left this world in love and that you made her last days better. She'd want you to go on and be happy. You may find that hard now and that's normal. Just take your time. It's okay to grieve but know that she would want only the best for you.

...

that is cool!

Not very appropriate in a thread of someone whose girlfriend just died, though. *scratches eyes out*

I am generally not the best at these and i am not a forum veteran but when i come on to the forum and i see these types of things i feel like i have to reply. I am sorry about what happend. The closest person i have lost was my Uncle and i wasn't very happy. I guess i can say is that you must know that the person will be with you where ever you go. Killing yourself wouldn't be a good thing to do. You would also make the people on the forum or around you upset. I guess the pain will go away over time but there will always be abit with you. Once again i am sorry for your loss and remember that you will always have us to come to.

- Tyler

P.S: This is probly the most thought i have put into the post.

Oh how awful...
I'm sorry Seb, its really hard losing someone so close especially when they're so young. I've lost a very close friend before and I know how it feels. The pain will pass though and thinking of her will make you happy instead of depressed eventually. It just takes time. I could give you a ton of conventional advice thats easier said then done, but basically you just have to find something inside yourself to keep you going. And there is something there I'm sure.

hey seb

you probably dont kknow me, but i'm sure you'll feel better soon!!! i wish you the very best and think of something nice. it'll make you feel better