Is this too racy for this forum? Let me know if it is...



For men: "Getting to know Madame Palm and her five lovely daughters.."

For the ladies: "Digging for clams..."


What are your favourites?

There is always the classic...

"I'm just going for a Ham Shank"

Not that i announce it ever...

*Ahem*

Here are some more for the ladies...


Reading braille
Gash-lashing
and.... gully whompin'! (what?)

"Shaking hot white coconuts from the veiny love tree"

"Cracking one off" is always fun too. Ahem.

Isn't 'cracking one off' in reference to having a shit? It is here in the US.

No, cracking one off is wanking round here.
A fun euphemism for taking a dump is "laying a cable."

What was that one about "sticky white love-piss"?

Something about the children coming downstairs one morning to find Benjamin "bent double on the couch, groaning and writhing covered in his sticky white love piss"

Anyone disturbed yet??!

Ah yeah.

Here are some more female ones i found:

Tossing the pink salad
Hoodwinking
Having a sushi party
Stroking the nether-beard
Tip-toeing through the two-lips

There's an excellent moment in Knowing Me Knowing Yule With Alan Partridge in which the Annoying Christian tells the new director of programming at the BBC that she's sick of all the images of sex, violence, masturbation etc on television nowadays, and Alan irritably asks her not to say masturbation because it's a family show, so the director of the BBC says 'onanism' instead, and Alan has to ask what it means, to which the reply is, of course, 'masturbation'.

Obviously it's funnier than that when you watch it.

That's a great bit. "Listen love, have you seen Noel's House Party? It's that kind of show..."

Hahahaha, yes. And the noisy eating of the mince pie.

"I'm just slipping me spatula under me flapjack...oooh, PARDON!"
"Hilarious. Hold on a minute, that doesn't make sense."
"...flapjack...spatula...no, I suppose it doesn't, really."

I suppose 'bashing the bishop' will be my contribution to this thread.

Rubbin' the nubbin

Flicking the bean.

That's for girls, by the way.

For males:
Choking the chicken
Slapping the monkey

How did you find them...

Just did a Google search - can't remember what for now. "euphemisms for female masturbation" probably

Ahhh ok...you must have got some...er...graphic results...

Check it out

Haha...Turning On The Juicer...

P.S i Just noticed the fast reply...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/teens/girls/sexlovean...you/index.shtml

This is from the BBC Teens site, which is a constant source of much amusement. My particular favourite is Dr Mel. However, they also have 'factfiles' on things that teenagers should, apparently, know about, and these are also most enjoyable.

Some favourites:

Breasts


AKA: Baps, bazookas, bazooms, boobies, boobs, bosoms, bristols, bust, busters, hooters, jubblies, jugs, knockers, melons, norks, orbs, titties, tits.

Norks? Bristols? Bazookas? Imagine! "Cor, look at the bazooms on that!" "Golly, I've got sore norks."

Clitoris


AKA: Clit, love bud, love button, nubbin, orchid, ruby rosebud.

Ruby rosebud! "I say, would you mind paying some attempted to my love button?"

Condoms

AKA: Durex, sheaths, johnnies, rubbers, something for the weekend.

"Hold on a moment while I just slip on a something-for-the-weekend."

And, especially for FuriousWank,

Masturbation

AKA Bringing yourself off, flicking the bean, playing the one-string guitar, frigging, kit-kat shuffle, playing with yourself, w***ing.

"Sorry I didn't hear the door - I was having a kit-kat shuffle."

haha it's not too bad..i think its funny atleast. just don't let it get out of hand..

ummm, plunging the plank?

Double clicking your mouse.

ummm

churning your own lady butter.

Girls: Strumming The Guitar or banjo
Guys:Rolling The Dice

kinda gross but w/e !!!!!!!!

i liked

somebody's got to do it,
nothing else to do &

stirring the cauldron "just reading, mom"

How about "playing with your prarie dog"

hahah the comment earlier of Clitoris reminded me of the South Park movie.....

"OOOO its the CLITORIS!!!" ~ Cartman...

dude it was so funny.. my friend was like... "whats that?" and my other friend was like "... ICECREAM!!"

(fyi theywere just messing around...)

dont ask..

hahah this is sorta off topic/.... but i guess if its "crude and vulgar" it will amuse anyone who visits this thread.....

in Orange County Lance (aka jack black) was like:

"oo dude can i score some of your piss?

haha... funny....

This thread rocks!

yankee my wankee!

"i just made white-wee"

bump

Stroke your banana.